Helping children feel settled after separation
5 November 2025
By the time the first half term rolls around, many separated parents are only just catching their breath.
Between the expenses of new uniforms and stationery, the time-consuming school drop-offs, the forgotten PE kits and last-minute runs to the shop for tomorrow’s food tech class and the constant homework battles, it’s not surprising they’re feeling a little stretched thin.
For those of us who support families, whether as mediators, therapists or solicitors, this is often when parents start asking what they could be doing differently to make life easier for their children.
Assess whether the routine is working
Now that we’re several weeks into the new school year, I think now is a good moment for parents to pause and ask how things are really going. Are mornings calm or chaotic? Do both homes feel organised and predictable? Are you managing ok financially?
Children often cope best when they know what’s happening and have a set routine. This can be especially apparent for neurodivergent children.
If things still feel unsettled, a quick review of your current plans and a few minor changes that help make things smoother for everyone could be just what’s needed.
Share the responsibilities
Everyone has heard the saying ‘teamwork makes the dream work’. In co-parenting, that can be true, but I know it’s sometimes easier said than done.
Not every separated couple has an amicable relationship, and sometimes even basic communication can feel like hard work.
Still, finding small ways to share the day-to-day jobs can make a huge difference for children.
The start of term can highlight just how many small tasks school life involves (and how much it costs).
It’s easy for one parent to end up carrying more than initially agreed, but an open conversation about what feels fair can take the pressure off both sides.
Plus, if children follow a similar routine in each home, they don’t have to keep adjusting their expectations.
Where parents live apart, alternating attendance or sharing lifts can stop small issues turning into disputes.
The guiding question should always be what helps the child enjoy their activities and is in their best interests, not what feels fair to each parent.
Keeping communication productive
Calm, regular communication is one of the best ways to protect children from stress due to a separation.
Many separated parents now use parenting apps or shared calendars to handle messages and school updates, helping to reduce the emotional load and keep discussions productive.
Is mediation the best option?
Sometimes, even with the best intentions, talking things through becomes too hard, and so alternative measures are required.
Mediation often offers parents a space to reset, with someone neutral guiding the conversation.
It’s a chance to find solutions that work for everyone without turning small issues into lasting conflicts that end up being fought in the courtroom.
Every family hits a few bumps in the road as they find a way to deal with their new reality. What matters is that children see parents trying to work together.
